简单幽默英语笑话精选？

笑话使人们在刻板的生活中感到一丝快意和放松，在人们的日常生活中起着重要调剂作用。下面我为大家带来，欢迎大家阅读!

1：

Jerry went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I've got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it. I'm going crazy!"

Jerry去看精神病医生。“医生，我有些不对劲。每次我上床睡觉的时候，我就觉得有人在我床底下。我都快疯了!”

"Just put yourself in my hands for one year," said the shrink. "e to me three times a week, and I'll cure your fears."

“给我一年时间，”医生说，“每周来三次，我会治好你。”

"How much do you charge?"

“怎么收费呢?”

"A hundred dollars per visit."

“一次100美元。”

"I'll sleep on it," said Jerry.

“我会认真考虑的。”，Jerry 答道。

Six months later the doctor met Jerry on the street. "Why didn't you ever e to see me again?" asked the psychiatrist.

六个月以后，医生在大街上碰到Jerry。“你怎么没有再来呢?”精神病医生问道。

"For a hundred bucks a visit? The bartender cured me for $10."

“一次一百块钱吗?有个酒吧服务生收了十块钱就把我治好了。”

"Is that so! How?"

“真的?他怎么做到的?”

"He told me to cut the legs off the bed! Ain't nobody under there now!!!"

“他要我把床脚砍了!这样不就没有人在床下了吗?”

2：

Wife: Dear, you looked quite drunk last night and you kept repeating the same thing at the table.

妻子：亲爱的，你昨天晚上好像喝得很醉，在餐桌旁你不停地讲同一句话。

Hu *** and: Really? Then don't believe anything said by a drunken person. By the way, what did I say to you?

丈夫：真的吗?不要相信醉汉所说的任何事情。顺便问下，我说什么了啊?

Wife: I love you, dear.

妻子：我爱你，亲爱的。

3：

On a crowded bus, one man noticed that another man had his eyes closed.

在一辆拥挤的公交车上，一名男子注意到另一名男子闭上了眼睛。

"What's the matter? Are you sick?"

“怎么了?你不舒服?”

"No, I'm okay. It's just that I hate to see an old lady standing."

“不，我很好。只是我讨厌看到有个老妇站在身旁。”

4：

A man asks a trainer in the gym: "I want to impress that beautiful girl, which machine can I use?"

一名男子在健身房问他的教练：“我想给那个漂亮女孩留下深刻的印象，该使用什么机器?”

The trainer replied: "Use the ATM outside the gym!!!"

教练答道：“用健身房外的取款机!!!” ?

童真童趣英语幽默笑话大全

　1. Tommy: "How is your little brother, Johnny?"

　汤米：“约翰，你的弟弟好吗？”

　Johnny: "He is ill in bed. He hurt himself."

　约翰尼：“他生病卧床了，他伤着了自己。”

　Tommy: "That's too bad. How did that happen?"

　汤米：“太糟了。是怎么回事？”

　Johnny: "We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won."

　约翰尼：’我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，结果他赢了。”

　2. Son: "Dad, is French hard to learn?"

　儿子：“爸爸，法语难学吗？”

　Father: "My boy, at the beginning it is, but after that, it becomes easy."

　父亲：“我的孩子，开头难，但往后就变得容易了。”

　Son: "That's great! I'll learn the latter half."

　儿子：“太棒了！那我就学后半部分。”

　3. A little boy lost his way and went to ask the policeman by the road.

　一个小孩迷了路，就去问路边的警察。

　The policeman asked, "Sonny, where's your home?"

　警察问：“小家伙，你的家在哪里？”

　The boy replied, "My mother teaches me to ask the policeman when I lose my way, but she doesn't tell me where I live."

　男孩回答说：“妈妈教我迷路时，就去问警察，但她没有告诉我住在哪里。”

　4. The mother asked her little son, "Tom, if the car is made of cholocate, which part will you eat first?

　一母亲问小儿子：“汤姆，如果汽车是用巧克力做的，你先吃哪部分？”

　Tom replied quickly, "Wheels! Then the car won't be off."

　汤姆飞快地答道：“轮子！这样汽车就开不走了。”

　5. A schoolboy went home with a pain in his stomach.

　一个男孩放学回家时，感到肚子疼。

　"Well, sit down and have some snacks," said his mother. "Your stomach's hurting because it's empty. It'll be all right when you've got something in it."

　“来，坐下，吃些点心，”他的.妈妈说。“你肚子疼，是因为肚子空了。你吃了东西，就没事了。”

　Shortly afterwards, dad came in from work, complaining of a headche. "That's because it's empty," said his son. "You'll be all right if you have something in it."

　过了一会儿，男孩的爸爸下班回来，抱怨说自己头疼。“你头疼，是因为脑袋空了，”他的儿子说，“脑袋里装点东西，就没事了。”